I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
