i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Randomize
