I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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