Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
