omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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