I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
