at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
