I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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