YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
did you just send me my own nude
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
