On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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