Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Randomize
