I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
