and you said cock pushups were impossible
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
