every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize