No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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