At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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