Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Randomize
