I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he fucked my hip out of place.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
