She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
