my vag is so smooth its legendary
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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