could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize