i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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