Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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