This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
