I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
