i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
