Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
