You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
