If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
