yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize