I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
porn star boner night. come get it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
