You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
