is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
