So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
