hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
