you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
