I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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