So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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