his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
