Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
