like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
