You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
