Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize