You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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