New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
being pregnant is like rehab
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
