nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
