OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
