have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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