After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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