Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
