shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize