A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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