hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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