it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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