We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
