i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
