break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
