We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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