Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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