if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She's the barista slut.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize