For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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