I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
