my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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