So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
