I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
