Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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