My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
