i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
