I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
