I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My liver just broke up with me...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
