he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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