Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
