The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
