either way he was missing a nipple.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
