rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
